And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize