I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
