I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
