Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
