Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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