i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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