3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
