Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize