Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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