You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's blow job season.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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