her vagine was all disorganized.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
