Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
