I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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