i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize