the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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