Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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