She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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