Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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