he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
