Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
