Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
