Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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