My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
