I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
