he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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