We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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