u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
