just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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