Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
