Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize