my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
