he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
