I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize