What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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