How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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