that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
