Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
