Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
