This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
