I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You've changed since you got that strap on
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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