I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
