You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
