I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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