vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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