Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
