I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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