Sry I called you an 8
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
