Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is it because I queefed?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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