I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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