She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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