One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I met the friendliest cop last night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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