I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
