what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
