I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
