My Higher Power is John Stamos
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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