Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize