he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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