I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
