You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
