using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
