I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think I am morally bankrupt
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
