so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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