meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
