I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
